I don’t think I have ever spent more time in my life more stressed out, more tense, and more scared.
Wait, I take that back. I felt this way only one other time in my life – when I was in my senior year of college, taking 21 credit hours, spending any free time working 4 days a week working at a restaurant or learning lines for a lead in the school musical, and finally, dealing with a mentally unstable mother who, during a months-long manic, decided to up and move 2,000 miles to Northern California via late night Amtrak. I still can’t believe I made it out of that time of my life virtually unscathed.
Anyway, the past two months of my life have been pure hell.
The restructure that I have mentioned multiple times on this blog, had been moving forward swiftly. We had to fill out “Interest” forms that gave us 5 spaces in which to make important decisions about our future at the organization.
We had conference calls purported to boost our confidence and give us a place and time to ask questions but actually made most of us basket cases with even more questions that went unanswered. There was a promise of “no net job losses” and “efforts to make sure everyone has a place they love” at our organization.
There were vague all-department emails congratulating people I had never heard of (or worse- people who should NEVER have been moved into management roles) on their new higher management positions, and reasurances that calls would come from HR to help us determine our new place in the orgnaization.
There were closed door whisper-fests about the telephone-type conversations we had been having with colleagues over interoffice IM and email regarding calls recieved from our HR department or new heads of sub-departments either denying or offering up coveted positions.
There we tears from the people who did not get calls by the promised date/time, thinking they were not important to the organization, and “oops, my bad” apology calls from HR to sooth the fears.
As the due date for the final org chart came fast and furious, so did the calls from HR. Office doors began slamming, and moral got even lower.
Our of an office of 14, 3 recieved promotions, 8 stayed in the same or slightly different roles, 1 made a latteral move but no longer manages the 4 people she used to, and 1 was let go. Fired. Given a 2 week notice she was not expecting (remember- “no net job loss”?) and was told October 10th would be her last day with the organization. No ifs, ands or buts. She is 61, has been a fundraiser of over 30 years and is wonderful at her job. The economy is the worst it has been in a really long time, they are sending the fundraisers pressing emails from above saying “BRING IN THE $$$!! “ – and they are pushing her out.
Un-fucking-believable.
_____
On my job interest form, I put a job I was very interested in – but not expected to get – in my number 1 spot… let’s call it Job XYZ*. Job XYZ is a really cool job, and it is probably as close to my dream job in this organization as I can get. It is also not a fundrasing position. It is in another sub-department. It is a promotion. It is also filled right now by a wonderful person who is sure not to want to leave it. For the other 4 positions on the interst form, I put my current fundraising position, and 3 other fundraising positions, some promotions, some latteral moves. I turned in the form and waited for a call. And waited. And waited.
During this wait time I was trying to keep my head down and work my butt off, but on a Tuesday morning a few weeks ago, I got a call from HR – “You know we are working on the job interest forms by sub-department. Well, currently we are working on the fundrasing sub-department. You are currently not a good ‘fit’ with any position in the fundrasing sub-department. We will get in touch with you in the next two weeks to see if you are a good fit with Job XYZ.”
You. Have. Got. To. Be. Fucking. Kidding. Me.
I wasn’t even a “fit” for my current position?
That meant that I was only MAYBE a fit for one other postion from my sheet – Job XYZ. The person who is in the postion is NEVER gonna leave it. NEVER. I AM SCREWED!
I waited for another 2 weeks in a fog. On September 26th, I got another call – it was from the person who held Job XYZ — she wanted to tell me that she was moving on to another sub-department and wanted to share with me some of the daily work she was doing for Job XYZ as she had heard I was the number 1 choice for Job XYZ.
I almost crapped my pants.
On September 29th, I was formally offered Job XYZ. And I accepted. I start my new role Jan 1, though I will be doing a ton of prep work in the coming months.
While I am SUPER DUPER DUPER DUPER excited to be in offered this awesome new role, I am having such a hard time being happy knowing 95% of my colleagues are either pissed or indifferent… and knowing that about 20 of them org-wide are losing their jobs.
Why is it that when my life FINALLY starts to move in a positive direction, others seem to go to hell in a handbasket?
I have about 100 other things to share, but I am exhausted and need to get some sleep. I have about 250 posts to catch up on, but home to be back in the know soon. Hope you are all doing well!!
AJ
*I can’t tell you what Job XYZ is right now as it will put me in an extremely external role at my organization and the job title is extremely decriptive. I may have to stop blogging personally or take on a differnt non de plume in the future to keep my annonymity and not have my personal views mix with my professional ones.
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