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Why I Am Still Unhealthy*

Why I Am Still Unhealthy*

*Notice I didn’t use the F-A-T word. I am trying to change the messages I give to myself.

  • I stopped tracking points
  • I put everything in my mouth
  • I eat too fast
  • I eat more than I should at a meal
  • I got stressed out
  • I stopped grocery shopping
  • I made poor (and outright DUMB) choices at fast food restaurants
  • I didn’t use the stairs
  • I didn’t park at the farthest parking spot
  • I didn’t ask for dressing on the side
  • I used the excuses: I am too tired, I will do it tomorrow/later/during the commercial, my (leg, arm, back) hurts and more
  • I worked too much
  • I played too much
  • I didn’t go to Weight Watchers meetings
  • I ate fried things
  • I didn’t eat fruit and veggies
  • And MANY more…

I continue to self-sabotage and use poor-self talk.

I realize how unhealthy I am and that I need to change. I see so many online and IRL friends who have made healthy choices – not only for themselves but for their families. I KNOW I feel better when I make those choices and I am declaring that June 26, 2011 is the day I will begin to make better choices to keep me alive for 60 more years.

June 28th, 2011 | Category: Binge Eating, Done with diets, Lose the Excuses, Note to self, Pitfalls, stress | Leave a comment

Stress, Meet Stress Eating

First- did I meet my weekly goals for the day?

  1. Post my food journals (whatever they may be) everyday before 11:30pm. (CHECK!)
  2. Allow myself one 12oz diet soda per day. (CHECK!)
  3. Eat breakfast everyday. (CHECK!)

And now the (Semi) bad news: Dinner tonight was ATROCIOUS! 43 points in one meal!!!!!!!! HOLY CRAP! I stress ate* with the best of them-

NACHOS!

FRENCH FRIES!

HARD APPLE CIDER!!!!!

I drank alcohol people!! :(

I walked in STARVING- lesson number 1 on how not to eat healthy- walk into a bar, stressed out and join your friends who are ALSO stressed out and, oh, don’t forget they are all people who do not need to worry about their weight. Then add drinking to the mixture.

But, I need to give myself credit where credit is due:

  1. I tracked every morsel I put in my mouth, as I put it in. YES I DID.
  2. I pre-tracked, so even though I started with nachos, I still ate the caesar salad and grilled chicken before I started digging into the fries and ranch.
  3. Because I ordered and ate the salad FIRST, I did not eat as many fries as I thought I was going to. Ranch dressing too.
  4. I drank a crap-load of water at dinner to help me feel fuller faster.
  5. I stopped when I was feeling overfull.

But still, DAMN, 43 pts. I ate like 1/3 of what I WANTED to eat (or what I would have before WW) so I cannot even imagine writing down the points for that feast.

ONWARD and DOWNWARD (on the scale that is…)

~AJ

*the reason for the stress eating was teaching a new class of students today, with no introduction by their normal teacher, for 2 hours not knowing any of their routines or names or anything. Think substitute teaching on steroids because it was a very rough inner-city school. I was fine in the long run, but it was a VERY l o n g 2 hours. Ranch dressing long. DRINKING long.

Monday, May 02, 2011

Morning
1  serving(s) chobani black cheery non fat greek yogurt
4
1  large banana(s)
0
1  grande Beverages Skinny Cinnamon Dolce Latte
3
2  Tbsp heavy whipping cream
3
Subtotal 10
Midday
1  cup(s) carrot(s)
0
1  cup(s) grapes
0
2  serving(s) seasoned rykrisps (2)
3
1  serving(s) Starkist fresh pouch tuna
2
2  serving(s) kraft miracle whip
1
8  fl oz Diet Vanilla Coke
0
Subtotal 6
Evening
1  serving(s) Fresh Salads (without dressing) Caesar Asiago Salad (side)
3
1  item(s) cooked chicken breast
3
20  fl oz Diet Coke
0
1  packet(s) Balsamic Vinaigrette
5
2  cup(s) apple cider, fermented
7
1  side portion(s) Salad Dressings Fat-Free Ranch Dressing
3
1  serving(s) Side Orders French Fries, Salted
12
4  item(s) cheese and bean nachos
10
Subtotal 43
Anytime
1  cup(s) carrot(s)
0
1  serving(s) breakstone 2% cottage cheese
2
Subtotal 2
Food PointsPlus values total used 61
Food PointsPlus values remaining 0
Activity
No entries for activity.
Activity PointsPlus values earned 0
Check off these important items daily:
Liquids
 Milk & Milk Products
Fruit & vegetables
 Multivitamin/Mineral
Healthy Oil
 Activity
May 2nd, 2011 | Category: Binge Eating, food diary, From Teach to Teacher, Pitfalls, stress | One comment

Disappointed

First up: Winners from the Fitbloggin #4 Giveaway (better Late than never are Mindy and Gemfit! Congrats! I will be reaching out to you very soon.

 

This week has been weird- I have been trying my hardest to be all RAH RAH EXCITED about getting fit, my own personal body image and moving forward with my life/job/school/teaching/whatever.

But to be perfectly honest, I have been nothing but BLAH.

I think the death of my 30 year old friend 2 weeks ago (from SUEDP) and the stress/realization that I am taking 2 tests that will decide if I will be suitable for the interview process for a special masters course to become an elementary school teacher have caught up with me. I have been eating everything “bad” for me under the sun and my body is starting to rebel.

I am not holding myself accountable for the actions I am taking minute by minute. Hour by hour. Meal by meal. Day by day.

I am disappointed I am “letting” the perceived bad stuff in my life take over the good stuff. I am disappointed that I lost 14lbs in Feb/March and I am letting the lbs creep back on.

I was talking to a good friend yesterday about food issues. She is going to see a Endocrinologist who has pretty much diagnosed her with everything under the sun; POCS, pre-diabetes, etc, etc, etc. She and I have alot of the same issues: Eating when bored, stressed, or upset; one track mind eating—when you HAVE to have “insert food here” (could be veggies or french fries) because all you can thing about is ”insert food here” ; a tendency toward binge eating.

This was the first time we had been HONEST with each other and shared our struggles.

I read alot of blogs about weight loss and healthy eating and I relate to alot of the people I read. But I have to tell you—hearing her story and her struggles REALLY brought it home. She was a person I KNOW in real life that has some of the same issues that I have. And while its not OK, its OKAY.

I know what I should be doing, I am just not doing “it”.

I have tried to recommit a few times in the past few weeks but have let life get in my way. I need to use the resources that I have at my disposal help me to reach my goals. I need to go back to the WWGE (What Would Grandma Eat) way of thinking and remember how I feel when I eat sensible, small, and satiating (SSS) meals.

I know I can do it, I just need to get back on the horse, as I have done 100 times before. I just need to make sure this time is different than all the others.

April 11th, 2010 | Category: Binge Eating, Lose the Excuses, Pitfalls, stress, stuff | 2 comments

You can’t stop the binge…

The binge continues… The vet called this moring but I missed his call, and when I called back, he was in surgery. I hate waiting. No news is good news, I guess, since he did not feel it was urgent enough to call me back today. I will try him Monday morning before work. I am STILL night binging… Actually, I am in the middle of a binge right now. Microwave popcorn is calling me from the kitchen…. AND I ate it. Along with a se tof cheese fries. I still am within my points, thank god, but this is getting out of hand. Fast. I need to go for a swim, a walk, something and get some activity points to help. Ack Ack Ack!

June 30, 2007 – Points goal 26
Slim Fast 3
2 Ry Krisp 1
LC Cheese 1
smart ones Fet Alfrado with broccoli 6
Peach 1
Purdue breaded baked chicken breast 3
tomato sauce 0
full fat microwave popcorn 5
strawberries 1
cheese 2
strawberry yogurt 3
popcorn (again) 5
cheese fries (homemade atleast) 5
Total Points for Day 36
Day 5 of week-Flex points remaining: 0.5
Daily Activity-3000 steps
June 30th, 2007 | Category: Binge Eating, food diary | Leave a comment

You can’t stop the binge…

The binge continues… The vet called this moring but I missed his call, and when I called back, he was in surgery. I hate waiting. No news is good news, I guess, since he did not feel it was urgent enough to call me back today. I will try him Monday morning before work. I am STILL night binging… Actually, I am in the middle of a binge right now. Microwave popcorn is calling me from the kitchen…. AND I ate it. Along with a se tof cheese fries. I still am within my points, thank god, but this is getting out of hand. Fast. I need to go for a swim, a walk, something and get some activity points to help. Ack Ack Ack!

June 30, 2007 – Points goal 26
Slim Fast 3
2 Ry Krisp 1
LC Cheese 1
smart ones Fet Alfrado with broccoli 6
Peach 1
Purdue breaded baked chicken breast 3
tomato sauce 0
full fat microwave popcorn 5
strawberries 1
cheese 2
strawberry yogurt 3
popcorn (again) 5
cheese fries (homemade atleast) 5
Total Points for Day 36
Day 5 of week-Flex points remaining: 0.5
Daily Activity-3000 steps
June 30th, 2007 | Category: Binge Eating, food diary | Leave a comment

You can’t stop the binge…

The binge continues… The vet called this moring but I missed his call, and when I called back, he was in surgery. I hate waiting. No news is good news, I guess, since he did not feel it was urgent enough to call me back today. I will try him Monday morning before work. I am STILL night binging… Actually, I am in the middle of a binge right now. Microwave popcorn is calling me from the kitchen…. AND I ate it. Along with a se tof cheese fries. I still am within my points, thank god, but this is getting out of hand. Fast. I need to go for a swim, a walk, something and get some activity points to help. Ack Ack Ack!

June 30, 2007 – Points goal 26
Slim Fast 3
2 Ry Krisp 1
LC Cheese 1
smart ones Fet Alfrado with broccoli 6
Peach 1
Purdue breaded baked chicken breast 3
tomato sauce 0
full fat microwave popcorn 5
strawberries 1
cheese 2
strawberry yogurt 3
popcorn (again) 5
cheese fries (homemade atleast) 5
Total Points for Day 36
Day 5 of week-Flex points remaining: 0.5
Daily Activity-3000 steps
June 30th, 2007 | Category: Binge Eating, food diary | One comment

Stressful Day and Binge Eating

Today was one of the most stressful days – even though I have flex points left, and I plan to eat “normally” tonight, I am not really going to count today (I am going to write everything down though). Mr More (my cat-child) went in for VERY EXPENSIVE tests today and I was a basket case all day. I actually lost it at the vets office and was “ugly crying” in front of the vet. So not cool. Mister is home now and is kinda pissed at me for all the drama this morning. The tests will be back tomorrow. The vet did tell me that Mister MUST lose weight to help some back leg pain. He equaled his weight to a person that weighs 350lbs. I told the vet I am on WW and that Mister can join me :)

ETA: Let’s just say I went overboard tonight. I added what I ate below, but did not count any of the points. )I did remove all of the rest of my flex points though, for the rest of the week) Ack. Stress + almost TOM + boredom = eating. Atleast I realize I am stress eating. That sometimes is half the battle.

ETA again: OK, I changed my mind again. I AM going to count the points. I went overboard and I need to take full responsibility for my stress eating actions. I had 26 flex left before I decided to take them in the earlier post above. After actually fessing up to my binge, I still have 10.5 points. I am actually really proud my myself for counting these points. I guess it is not a “no counting” day after all.

June 29, 2007 – Points goal 26
Slim Fast 3
2 McDonalds cheeseburgers 14
Medium French Fries 5.5
diet soda 0
Peach 1
pixie crinkle cut french fries 3
3 1/4 cup servings of cheese 9
full fat microwave popcorn 5
strawberries 1
Total Points for Day 41.5
Day 4 of week-Flex points remaining: 10.5
Daily Activity-5000 steps
June 29th, 2007 | Category: Binge Eating, food diary, Pitfalls, victories | 2 comments