I went home to Iowa last week to visit my grandma and to go through some things in her basement that I had left there when my mom divorced my step-dad and moved to California there almost 11 years ago. It was a TRIP, let me tell you. Normally, I don’t like going through that stuff, but last Spring there was a small flood in my grandma’s basement and some of my stuff in a storage trunk got wet.
Thankfully, most of the items were salvageable. I found my baptism candle (not saveable, darnit), my baptism announcement (I saved that), tons of photos and books I created as a child, every midterm and final report card from 1st grade to senior year of high school, and every program from every show or performance I ever got a part in.
It was fun looking through everything, but I realized: what the HELL and I going to do with all this stuff if I pack it up and move it to Chicago??
Leave it in a bin for me to look at in another 7 years? NO.
Hand it down to my (currently non-existent) children some day? NO.
WHY WAS I KEEPING ALL THIS STUFF!?!?!?
I remember when I moved to Atlanta 2 years ago (WOW that was OVER 2 years ago… time flies….), looking through the boxes and finding my high school trophies. I ended up taking pictures of them and throwing them away. Who has their high school theater trophies still on their wall/mantle when they are 32? Not that they were on my wall- they were in a box. But you know what I mean. I was never going to put them up anywhere. why keep them anymore??
It felt really good to get rid of so much stuff- 6 big black garbage bags full, to be precise.
I found a 25 dollar savings bond from high school graduation that was now worth 44 dollars and 15 cents! Way to go me, losing the bond for 15 years so it would earn interest!! 
I cashed it out this weekend because it would take until 2026 to mature to 50 bucks. NOT gonna wait for that. lol
I also found lots of pictures that I had hid away when I was in collage. I thought I looked “fat” and “awful” and “ugly” when they were taken. I remember thinking I should rip them up so no one would ever be able to see them.
I had horrible self-image issues then, and I have not-so-good self-image issues now. Progress?
I look at these pictures that are now 16 and 17 years old and I think: MAN, WHAT AN ADORABLE AND TINY YOUNG WOMAN! HOW DID I NOT SEE THAT WHEN I WAS 17 AND 18 YEARS OLD!?!?!?
I know we have all been there. I was probably 60lbs thinner, and everything was much perkier and tighter 
. But I lived in a place where I didn’t see many people like “me” (biracial) who had hips, thighs and bubble butts. I had boobs- BIG ONES- most of my peers did not. I thought since I had thunder muscular thighs and big boobs, it must mean I am HUGE.
I remember being SO upset that I was a size 12/14 in high school- I cried because I could not fit in some of the cutesy clothes my peers wore.
I think about all the wasted days and nights spent thinking about my “ugly” body. It breaks my heart that I treated myself so poorly for so long.
I know a lot of women (and men for that matter) spent some of their teenage years beating themselves up for what they looked like, when really, they looked amazing.
As a new teacher, I would really like to figure out how to teach kids how to love themselves and practice self-affirming speech. I was an assistant coach for Girls on the Run 2 years ago and loved that they were teaching girls how to love themselves for who they are. I hope to find other ways to keep kids from treating themselves the same way I did.
