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Why I Am Still Unhealthy*
*Notice I didn’t use the F-A-T word. I am trying to change the messages I give to myself.
- I stopped tracking points
- I put everything in my mouth
- I eat too fast
- I eat more than I should at a meal
- I got stressed out
- I stopped grocery shopping
- I made poor (and outright DUMB) choices at fast food restaurants
- I didn’t use the stairs
- I didn’t park at the farthest parking spot
- I didn’t ask for dressing on the side
- I used the excuses: I am too tired, I will do it tomorrow/later/during the commercial, my (leg, arm, back) hurts and more
- I worked too much
- I played too much
- I didn’t go to Weight Watchers meetings
- I ate fried things
- I didn’t eat fruit and veggies
- And MANY more…
I continue to self-sabotage and use poor-self talk.
I realize how unhealthy I am and that I need to change. I see so many online and IRL friends who have made healthy choices – not only for themselves but for their families. I KNOW I feel better when I make those choices and I am declaring that June 26, 2011 is the day I will begin to make better choices to keep me alive for 60 more years.
First- did I meet my weekly goals for the day?
- Post my food journals (whatever they may be) everyday before 11:30pm. (CHECK!)
- Allow myself one 12oz diet soda per day. (CHECK!)
- Eat breakfast everyday. (CHECK!)
And now the (Semi) bad news: Dinner tonight was ATROCIOUS! 43 points in one meal!!!!!!!! HOLY CRAP! I stress ate* with the best of them-
NACHOS!
FRENCH FRIES!
HARD APPLE CIDER!!!!!
I drank alcohol people!! 
I walked in STARVING- lesson number 1 on how not to eat healthy- walk into a bar, stressed out and join your friends who are ALSO stressed out and, oh, don’t forget they are all people who do not need to worry about their weight. Then add drinking to the mixture.
But, I need to give myself credit where credit is due:
- I tracked every morsel I put in my mouth, as I put it in. YES I DID.
- I pre-tracked, so even though I started with nachos, I still ate the caesar salad and grilled chicken before I started digging into the fries and ranch.
- Because I ordered and ate the salad FIRST, I did not eat as many fries as I thought I was going to. Ranch dressing too.
- I drank a crap-load of water at dinner to help me feel fuller faster.
- I stopped when I was feeling overfull.
But still, DAMN, 43 pts. I ate like 1/3 of what I WANTED to eat (or what I would have before WW) so I cannot even imagine writing down the points for that feast.
ONWARD and DOWNWARD (on the scale that is…)
~AJ
*the reason for the stress eating was teaching a new class of students today, with no introduction by their normal teacher, for 2 hours not knowing any of their routines or names or anything. Think substitute teaching on steroids because it was a very rough inner-city school. I was fine in the long run, but it was a VERY l o n g 2 hours. Ranch dressing long. DRINKING long.
Monday, May 02, 2011
| Morning |
| 1 serving(s) chobani black cheery non fat greek yogurt |
4
|
| 1 large banana(s) |
0
|
| 1 grande Beverages Skinny Cinnamon Dolce Latte |
3
|
| 2 Tbsp heavy whipping cream |
3
|
| Subtotal |
10 |
| Midday |
| 1 cup(s) carrot(s) |
0
|
| 1 cup(s) grapes |
0
|
| 2 serving(s) seasoned rykrisps (2) |
3
|
| 1 serving(s) Starkist fresh pouch tuna |
2
|
| 2 serving(s) kraft miracle whip |
1
|
| 8 fl oz Diet Vanilla Coke |
0
|
| Subtotal |
6 |
| Evening |
| 1 serving(s) Fresh Salads (without dressing) Caesar Asiago Salad (side) |
3
|
| 1 item(s) cooked chicken breast |
3
|
| 20 fl oz Diet Coke |
0
|
| 1 packet(s) Balsamic Vinaigrette |
5
|
| 2 cup(s) apple cider, fermented |
7
|
| 1 side portion(s) Salad Dressings Fat-Free Ranch Dressing |
3
|
| 1 serving(s) Side Orders French Fries, Salted |
12
|
| 4 item(s) cheese and bean nachos |
10
|
| Subtotal |
43 |
| Anytime |
| 1 cup(s) carrot(s) |
0
|
| 1 serving(s) breakstone 2% cottage cheese |
2
|
| Subtotal |
2 |
| Food PointsPlus values total used |
61 |
| Food PointsPlus values remaining |
0 |
| Activity |
| No entries for activity. |
|
| Activity PointsPlus values earned |
0 |
| Check off these important items daily: |
Liquids
  |
Milk & Milk Products
|
Fruit & vegetables
|
Multivitamin/Mineral
|
Healthy Oil
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Activity
|
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School is crazy.
Life is crazy.
I muss the blog, but I am stressed, and thinking about blogging, or actually the lack of blogging, stresses me out even more.
Few health updates:
Starting over AGAIN with trying to eat healthy. I have gained about 20lbs in the past 6 months from not taking care of myself and eating from the drive-thru. Going to Mexico for spring break in April so would really like to gain back some muscle. Plan to workout 2-3 times a week and have planned my meals for the week already. In the plan is atleast 2 veggies and 2 fruit servings at each meal.
Also just bought my plane ticket to FitBloggin 2011 and I am super pumped to see a tom of my online friends in real life. Hoping to be fit enough to do the 5K this year. OK, back to the grind!! AJ
Its really a very awesome story.
But I will save that for another time.
I haven’t been here for a while, and while I feel guilty, I don’t feel TOO guilty.
And I feel guilty for not feeling too guilty. You get the picture.
The past few months have been a roller coaster and while I usually hate riding them, I don’t ever want to get off this one.
Grad School is going great. I got all A’s again (another A in MATH!! WOOHOO!) and I am on break until January 14th.
Kindergarten is A.MA.ZING. I can’t tell you have unbelievable it is. While I am so tired I go to bed each night before 7 pm (really), I have so much fun each day that I can’t wait to go back.I wish I could share the kids with you. I have 28 brilliant, talented and hilarious students who amaze me every single day. They are helping me become the best darn teacher I can be. But without parent consent, I can’t tell you anything. Maybe when I am retired I will come back to this poor blog and share my experiences.
On the fitness front… yeah….no.
I am probably the heaviest I have EVER been. Yippee. I haven’t jumped on a scale (yet). I am too scared too. But I do know that my belly is really getting out of hand and I am starting to huff and puff as I go up stairs. Oh and I have an @ss shelf again. Damnit.
I can’t blame anyone else but myself. I have been burning the candle at both ends and have not been eating right, sleeping well or exercising. And as EVERYONE knows, sleep, healthy food and moving are the key components to losing weight.
I know what to do.
I know HOW to do it.
I KNOW I can make healthy choices and move more (other than the 12-17,000 steps a day I take while teaching).
Fitbloggin is in May and I really don’t want to huff and puff my way around the conference. And I want to atleast be able to complete the 5K without having a heart attack.
I think I am going to go back and read some of my old posts when I as actively losing weight and see if I can find some of the menus I used while I was in Weight Watchers. My breakfast and lunch eating is fine – no fast food at school. I either am too tired to make food when I get off work so I pick up a pizza or McDonald’s then sit on my butt all night, or I eat something fatty and salty at home and fall fast asleep at 6:30pm. So to sum up, I am kinda a hot mess at dinner. I bought a few boneless turkey breasts (fresh to minimize salt content, then froze them) so I can cook them up on Sundays and package up atleast 6-7 meals for dinner- my goal is to make 3-4 different meals with the turkey so I won’t be eating turkey {insert dish here} every night- I would get sick of that really quick.
I am also vowing to take better care of myself. I have new teacher syndrome right now- I have caught every cold the kids have had. I am taking vitamins and trying to get as much sleep as possible, but all those new germs are invading me. Even Emergen-C and Cold Calm have only been putting off the inevitable for a few days at a time.
I am currently visiting my grandma for the Christmas and we pretty much just sit and eat while I am here. While I need to relax and rejuvenate, I really need to get up and move. We are expecting 5-7 inches of snow tonight and tomorrow, so we will probably be stuck inside again. Ick.
Anyway, I hope to get a few blog post stubs written up while I am here so I can atleast post once a week with minimal effort once I get back into the swing of school. The posts may look a lot a like (but with different information), but atleast I will be posting something, right?
Happy Holidays!!
AJ
First up: Winners from the Fitbloggin #4 Giveaway (better Late than never are Mindy and Gemfit! Congrats! I will be reaching out to you very soon.
This week has been weird- I have been trying my hardest to be all RAH RAH EXCITED about getting fit, my own personal body image and moving forward with my life/job/school/teaching/whatever.
But to be perfectly honest, I have been nothing but BLAH.
I think the death of my 30 year old friend 2 weeks ago (from SUEDP) and the stress/realization that I am taking 2 tests that will decide if I will be suitable for the interview process for a special masters course to become an elementary school teacher have caught up with me. I have been eating everything “bad” for me under the sun and my body is starting to rebel.
I am not holding myself accountable for the actions I am taking minute by minute. Hour by hour. Meal by meal. Day by day.
I am disappointed I am “letting” the perceived bad stuff in my life take over the good stuff. I am disappointed that I lost 14lbs in Feb/March and I am letting the lbs creep back on.
I was talking to a good friend yesterday about food issues. She is going to see a Endocrinologist who has pretty much diagnosed her with everything under the sun; POCS, pre-diabetes, etc, etc, etc. She and I have alot of the same issues: Eating when bored, stressed, or upset; one track mind eating—when you HAVE to have “insert food here” (could be veggies or french fries) because all you can thing about is ”insert food here” ; a tendency toward binge eating.
This was the first time we had been HONEST with each other and shared our struggles.
I read alot of blogs about weight loss and healthy eating and I relate to alot of the people I read. But I have to tell you—hearing her story and her struggles REALLY brought it home. She was a person I KNOW in real life that has some of the same issues that I have. And while its not OK, its OKAY.
I know what I should be doing, I am just not doing “it”.
I have tried to recommit a few times in the past few weeks but have let life get in my way. I need to use the resources that I have at my disposal help me to reach my goals. I need to go back to the WWGE (What Would Grandma Eat) way of thinking and remember how I feel when I eat sensible, small, and satiating (SSS) meals.
I know I can do it, I just need to get back on the horse, as I have done 100 times before. I just need to make sure this time is different than all the others.
Note: sorry for typos. Am writing from iPhone.
I am so neglectful of this poor blog. And reading my friends blogs (talking about you miss Fatina!!!)
I have had a lot going on lately and have pretty much been Twittering my little heart out since it is really easy to do from the iPhone. Hence the Twitter digests for the past week and a half.
The neglect ends tomorrow.
I have an EXCITING ANNOUNCEMENT regarding what happened this past week (and actually starts tomorrow) coming your way tomorrow night. The announcment will keep me posting atleast daily for the next 30 days.
So excited!
I currently in Iowa visiting my grandparents with my mom who flew in yesterday afternoon. Phone reception is crap here, so I hope I can post this from the iPhone. Anyway, more tomorrow.
Promise.
Seriously.
Also my prayers go out to the survivors of the Haiti earthquake(s). If you are still looking for the best place to donate please consider care.org. I can vouch for the org. The have been in-country for many many years and will stay to help after the initial wave of relief teams leave. They are in it for the long haul.
I really really need to get out of this funk I am in.
I know why I am in it:
- Lost my job? Check.
- Moving across country in 25 days? Check.
- Not prepared for move across the country in 25 days? Check.
- Freaking out about money? Check.
- Stressed out to the max? Check.
- Severely out of shape? Check.
- Is my a$$-shelf back? Check.
- Eating everything I can get my hands on? Check.
- Feeling like my life is spiraling out of control? Check.
- Overwhelmed with EVERYTHING happening at the same time? Check.
Anyone going through this much change all at the same time would have the same feelings of depression I am having. I know that.
But I feel myself falling back into the old habits I had when I weighed my heaviest of all time. I come home at night, throw my purse on the counter, grab something fatty or sugary to eat and head for the couch.
There I stay until I fall asleep (usually at 7:30) then wake at 10, only to drink diet soda or something dessert-like and stay up for another 3 hours. I am T-I-R-E-D when I get up in the morning because I didn’t get a full night sleep; aaaaaand repeat.
I have to start treating myself better. My friend N and I have made a pact that when I return to Chicago, we are going to “move” atleast 2 hours a day (to start), wear pedometers, and change the way we eat immediately. Then November 1, we start (have already paid for) a 3 week bootcamp to get us back on track – the same one I started before I moved here. I am VERY EXCITED to start it again and get my butt kicked by a drill sergeant. I am also happy I will have someone to keep me accountable. I know I can get back to a place of control. I have been there before and I can do it again.
But I need to have a few goals NOW to help keep me from completely going off the deep end before I leave.
So, here is goal number 1:
I will eat oatmeal for breakfast each day this week, and I’ll finish 1 bottle of water (or more) before I leave work each day.
I know it is a small step, but I have to make small steps before I can make big ones.
My word of the week is:
ACCOUNTABILITY.
I am accountable for every move I make and every piece of food I put in my mouth.
My oatmeal is out and my bottle of water is filled and ready to eat. I will twitpic my breakfast and empty water bottle tomorrow so look for it on Twitter! (@ajlovestolose)!
A few points for me to remember:
- I did not need Chipotle today. I did not need Chipotle today. I did not need Chipotle today.
- AJ can make better food choices. AJ can make better food choices. AJ can make better food choices.
Mom update: still no movement. She has a new Dr. appt on Wednesday to see if they can pry her mouth open. The swelling is down a bit though, so that is good.
More later
| July 16, 2007 – Points goal 26 |
| water |
0 |
| Chipotle carnitas bowl |
26 |
| water x3 |
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| Total Points for Day |
|
| Day 7 of week-Flex points remaining:25 |
| Daily Activity- |
My mom is really sick and over 3000 miles away and she won’t (yet) let me fly to see her.
She called me last night to tell me she has a baseball sized lump on her lower jaw on the right side. She went to both the dentist and the oral surgeon who told her they think she has a gland that is infected and the infection has has moved to her jaw bone. She cannot open her mouth wide enough to get even a cotton ball in, and she is having problems swallowing. She is not eating and not drinking (much) since it hurts too bad to do so. They have her on antibiotics (but the d&^m oral surgeon’s office FORGOT to call in the stronger stuff after her second visit today) and the dentist is urging my mom to go to the hospital for IV treatment. Of course she is balking. I am so worried about her. Really worried. She does not take care of her self normally, and she has no one there to make sure she will eat or drink or take her meds. I have been calling her every hour to make sure she is OK.
As you can tell, I am just SICK about all of this. I did not sleep last night and had a hellish day at work — not only because I had TONS of work to do (including writing my Annual Performance Appraisal) but also making and getting calls from my mom all day. Oh, and my TOM started today. Perfect ending to a perfect day.
Let’s just say I ate HORRIBLY today. Slim Fast for breakfast, cheeseburger and Fries for lunch, and OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE cheese fries for dinner. And a Diet Coke. I would not say it was a binge, per se, since I did know what I was putting in my mouth at all times and did stop short of eating the Blooming Onion I also ordered, but I also have a bit of an addictive personality. When I am stressed out, I either eat or shop (thank god I don’t like alcohol much or I would be a RAGING drunk). I went shopping today too- at Payless Shoe Source (BOGO, you know) the PetSmart (cat food and litter please) and the grocery store. Yep, I went to the grocery store for WW low point foods, then called Outback and got Curbside takeaway. Yeah, I did it. I am not proud of it, but i did it. I know I did not spend hundreds of dollars shopping, but I spent more than I should of.
I am tired, I am EXTRA full, and I am scared for my mom. She is in pain and there is nothing I can do for her from my house 3000 miles away.
I am sorry to put this on all of you, but I am sad and am in need of some cheering up/comments/whatever. Tell me a joke. Anything. Please.
Thanks.
AJ
Meetings meetings meetings! I actually planned my lunch around a lunch meeting today- I ate at 11 before the meeting and only ordered water at the meeting. Good for me! I took my multi vitamin and calcium pill before bed last night (had not eaten in 5 hours) and I had a tummy-ache all night long. I feel better today, but I just have to remember not to take them on an empty stomach again!
I seem to be having problems at dinner time right now. Hopefully next week will be better.
| July 5, 2007 – Points goal 26 |
| Slim fast |
3 |
| Rice and Bean Burrito |
4 |
| 1Tbl Spicy black bean dip |
1 |
| frech red pepper strips |
0 |
| corn 1/2 cup |
1 |
| water (16.9 oz) |
0 |
| Chipotle dinner (lettuce, rice, salsa, carnitas) a few chips and diet coke |
15 |
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| Total Points for Day |
26 |
| Day 3 of week-Flex points remaining:6.5 |
| Daily Activity- 30 minute areabic walk (walk away the lbs 2 mile walk) and a total of 7600 steps for the day |
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